My wedding anniversary is Sunday.
Five years. So much has changed in five years.
The biggest difference, of course, is that we’re now parents. I knew having a baby would change our life together, but I didn’t conceive of how much she’d change our marriage. Many days it feels as though a switch has been flipped and we’re no longer a couple — we’re just Baby Bird’s parents.
It’s a hard change to accept.
I love my child with every fiber of my being, but I loved my marriage as it was. I loved our freedom, and that we could veg on the couch, watch “Flavor of Love” reruns and laugh together until 3 a.m. We felt like kids in love for the first time. I loved only being responsible for us, and how we could get up and go without too much forethought.
I loved how little effort we had to put into maintaining our relationship.
Maybe that’s the problem.
Things were so simple then. They were so simple that putting in the work to keep things going — to be more than parents — is exhausting.
Ten years of love. Five years of marriage. One year of parenthood to flip everything on its head.
An impossible dream. An uphill battle. A fight to survive. That how marriage feels some days.
On those days, I try to stop and tell myself that loving is hard, but it’s more than worth it in the end.
We’ve made it through a hellish year. Death, unspeakable sadness, depression, new parenthood. It’s been a struggle, but I believe the struggle will make us stronger.
Mr. T and I aren’t perfect, and neither is our marriage. But despite how tired or frustrated we might get with our relationship or each other, I won’t throw in the towel. I don’t think he will, either.
There’s still too much love between us to give up because things are tough.
This anniversary won’t include the perfect Parisian vacation I’d envisioned, but I’m still looking forward to it.
Like I said, it’s been a hellish year, but we’ve survived.
And I can’t image fighting for the impossible dream with anyone else.