11 Months? Where Has the Time Gone?

Last night in bed, I thought about you — soundly asleep in your room — and I cried.

You’re 11 months now. You have personality, spunk, intellect, and are growing by leaps and bounds every day.

It all breaks my heart.

I know you still need me and will for a long time to come, but it seems we’ve reached this point at warp speed.

I often look at you and wonder what happened to my tiny baby. What happened to the girl who was too small for newborn-sized clothes? What happened to the 4-month-old who delighted in her first taste of blueberries? Where’s the girl whose first real smile — during a 3 a.m. diaper change in October — stopped my heart?

I don’t want you to stop growing. God, I’d never want that for you. I just want a way to capture every moment. I want to store every minute with you in my head and heart.

I want time to slow down so I can bask in the beauty of every second we have together.

Years from now, you’ll read this and give an “Oh, mom” eye roll. It’s OK. It’s what we kids do during sappy mom moments. But before you dismiss me, there’s one more sappy thing I have to tell you: I didn’t know how deeply I could love until I was blessed with you.

I love your father. I love your grandparents. But you’ve heard and felt my heartbeat from the inside. Our connection is stronger than any I’ve ever had.

That will never change, no matter how much you grow.

If I’m this sentimental at 11 months, how am I going to handing you turning 1?

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6 comments

  1. I now have a 22 month old so I totally understand you. I am currently pregnant with our second baby (God willing) and sometimes I just sit there and cry as i hold him because time haas passed by so fast and I feel that with another baby I will have less time to focus completely on him. its being a bitter sweet moment for me.

    • I only have my daughter, but I understand your concerns about how things will change once you have two babies. I’m sure, though, that you’ll be able to have special one-on-one time with your older baby, and you shouldn’t worry about your relationship and how it will change. You’ll do your best, and that’ll be more than enough. 😊 And congrats on your pregnancy!

  2. Warp speed is right. Every milestone is so bittersweet for me, which I know isn’t the best way to be. It’s hard to accept that certain things are left behind for good.

    • I completely understand. Baby Bird is nearly walking, she’s trying to talk, she’s developing a sense of humor … she’s like a real person! I feel like I went to sleep last night with a baby across the hall, and I woke up to a toddler. I’m excited about her growing up and all the new experiences we’ll have, but I wish I’d spent more of her babyhood enjoying it rather than worrying about it. :-/

  3. It’ll be even tougher later on. My 18mo still wants endless hugs during the day, but my 4yo really just needs a few. Maybe 5. That’s hard! I think we probably all adjust the same phase together, though.

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