I delivered my daughter on a Monday morning. People started asking about my next child that afternoon.
I’ve never taken the inquiries seriously, so my response has always been the same.
“This is it. I’m done. Shop’s closed. Thanks for asking!”
No one has been happy with that answer.
So, here’s the truth:
I promised my daughter I wouldn’t have more children. I told her she’d be my only and favorite baby, always and forever. She might not have understood what I was saying (fine, I’m sure she didn’t) but I meant it.
I’m not worried about her feeling alone … OK, that’s a lie. I really am. But siblings are no assurance that she won’t feel lonely, and they can sometimes treat you worse than strangers.
I’m not worried about her being emotionally stunted. She’ll learn from our family how to nurture relationships and care for others. (I will not raise a sociopath. I will not raise a sociopath.)
Having a spoiled child isn’t a concern, either. It’s a guarantee. Baby Bird is my parents’ first grandchild. She’s the only baby in the family at the moment. She’s funny, sweet, and cute enough to eat. Need I say more?
What worries me is that, if I get pregnant, I won’t be able to love my second child as much as I love Baby Bird.
I’m obsessed with my daughter. Mr. T and I waited so long to have her, and now all I want to do is drink her in. Breathe her in. I don’t know if I could be that consumed with another child, and I worry that Baby No. 2 would sense she was being shorted.
I’m overflowing with love for my daughter, and I can’t imagine feeling this way about anyone else — even her sibling.
Maybe it’s irrational. After all, people have second, third, and fourth children all the time, and they find room in their hearts to love them all. Hell, I have a brother, and I know my mom loves us both.
But I’ve always known that he holds a place in her heart that I can’t touch.
Mom has never said it — that would be a REALLY crappy thing for a mother to do — and she would deny it to the end, but I’ve felt it. The perceived slight weighed on me for a long time.
I don’t know if I could handle Baby No. 2 feeling that way.
I don’t know if it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
I was worried about this, too. Especially with Little Man being a rainbow baby that we had very soon after our first loss, plus there are six years between Little Man and Baby Girl. But that didn’t end up making a bit of difference. Like the first poster said, your heart just expands. <3
I totally wondered the same thing before I had my second! How on EARTH could I love someone the same as I did my first?! The truth is children don’t take up room in your heart…they grow it. It’s a miracle in itself. Sure, your time is stretched, but your love grows. My kids are 2 and 6 months. It is FULL ON, but I wouldn’t change it for the world! I grew up with 3 other siblings, all of which I’m super close to. Because of that, I wanted my kids to have siblings.
It’s a very personal decision though, and no one should have any say in it except for you and your significant other. 🙂
That absolutely makes sense, but it’s so scary. I would never want one baby to feel I was playing favorites, or for my daughter to think she wasn’t enough. Maybe I just worry too much (highly likely). So much to think about.
And congrats on your new little one!
That’s defintiely a relevant concern! Don’t let anyone tell you what you should think or do, you do you!
Thanks 😊 It’s crazy how often I’m asked by strangers. I get it from them more often than from family!
Aw mama, I had these feelings too before I had my second. I thought “how the heck can I love another one with the same love?” Then I had my second 2 months ago and gosh, I love them both the same and even more. I think your heart expands a bit more each time! 🙂 <3
I’m so glad to hear I’m not alone in having that concern! You know, I sometimes open up on here and just hope people don’t think I’ve gone off the deep end. This was one of those times. 😊
BTW, congrats on your new little one! How is your older baby handling having a sibling (that’s another one of my concerns)?
Yes, I TOTALLY hear you! My son has had his moments. It’s getting better now that his sister has been around for 10 weeks lol. But he still gets jealous and will randomly act out of jealousy. It’s all a learning process and I’m learning a crap ton of patience through it to0 😉
I remember acting out after my brother was born (I was 5). It lasted for about 13 years! 😂😂😂
I keep thinking that if we’re gonna have another baby, we should do it while my daughter is young. Maybe she won’t remember the days when she was an only child, and that’ll cut down on the jealousy …?
So much to think about!