Baby Crazy: I’ll Be Watching You

I’m kind of a reality TV fanatic. “Real Housewives” — I watch every city. “Catfish” — Nev and Max have me hooked. “Kardashians” — Well, we all have a guilty pleasure.

My latest obsession? Using a video monitor to watch Baby Bird sleep.

I initially resisted the lure of the monitor, afraid we would be hacked and some creep would spy on my kid. We used a sound-only device for months with hit-and-miss results. 

I got over my fear when Baby Bird started spending nights in her room. My need to know she was OK overrode my fear of the creep.

And now, I’ve become the creep.

I keep the monitor next to my head in bed, always on with the volume sky-high. The screen is so bright it illuminates my entire bedroom.

How do I sleep with it on, you ask? I don’t. Well, not really. Every move Baby Bird makes wakes me up. Every toss, every turn, every sigh, every whimper. Sometimes it’s the silence that gets to me. If she’s too quiet for too long, I wake up, zoom the camera in, and stare at her stomach to make sure she’s breathing.

Like I said, it’s an obsession.

Baby Bird has figured out that I’m watching. Instead of crying when she wakes up in the morning, she whimpers a little, then stares into the camera. For some reason, my momsense is always triggered, and I awake to find her waiting for me to watch her.

I’m sure Mr. T hates my new habit. After all, it’s hard to have sexytime with the sound of your kid tossing and turning in the background.

Unfortunately for him, I can’t say how long I’ll keep this up. A year? Two? Until she leaves for college? I figure watching her from my bedroom is better than the alternative: sleeping on the floor next to her crib.

That would really put a damper on sexytime.